Final Alternativo Zevran (ingles)

Your steps distance you from the city of Denerim more and more each time.  The celebration is now over, and little by little everything is returning to normal. The city is being rebuilt and is erasing from everyone’s minds the horror that was suffered.  Within a few years it will just be a bad memory.  It will be something the elders will tell the young while sitting around the fires in their homes.

And here you are sitting in front of the fire, which was once a large encampment. Now it is all reduced to a small fire where Zevran and you are camped on your path to the home of the Gray Wardens. Of all of the people who followed you throughout your life, only Zevran remained. He was the only one who proved to be a true friend. Everyone else has resumed their previous lives. Nothing connected you to them, you had nothing in common. Now more than ever you realize that. Not even Alister had anything in common with you besides the fact you are both Gray Wardens and you both felt helpless when the events of the Blight started to unfold around you. You were stupid to not realize it.

Now that the voices of the populace have been muted and you only hear the sound of wind rocked trees, it’s time to think. It is time to think about your recent past, something you have not done much since that cold morning when you came to Ostagar.

At that time it was a whirlwind of events and for one reason or another you end up in Ostagar converted into Gray Warden. After that came the carnage, death, and destruction with just you and Alistair in front of a shadowy army of monsters. You stupidly believed you were in love with him. What the hell did you know of love? You had barely tasted love, let alone even felt it.

You were led by his romantic words, believed in his words, and forgave or justified his lies. You couldn’t see he was just a child, or maybe that what he made you think since he needed your protection. You accept his romantic advances and you promised yourself to him, not realizing that the path you had to walk was leading you to someone better for you.

Now what? Now you can’t close your eyes and keep fooling yourself. This is the moment of truth.

You are standing guard in your small camp, while Zevran rests next to you. He offered to do the entire shift, but you refused. Now you are your own with your thoughts. You can now take off the mask and recognize the truth. That truth that no one has known existed, and even you have tried to escape it.

You add more wood to the fire, while you watch the expression of rest and tranquility on Zevran’s face and remember when you met him. You think of the ambush and his defeat, and you smiled thinking of what had happened. When he awoke and you stared for the first time into his eyes, you realize your big mistake. His soul spoke to yours, but you were the only one who did not realize it. Even that fool Alistair noticed and realized his relationship with you was in danger. You kept denying what was obvious, his voice, his eyes, his soul, his body called to your very being and you were attracted like magnets.

But you would deny it again and again at every turn. You kept feelings behind a facade of friendship even when Alistair told you to choose between him and Zevran. You were afraid of hurting a child, Alistair, which until then had been just a boy. But he was not a child when he told you to leave for the sake of the royal crown, and for once it mattered to him that you were not a woman of nobility.

Now there is no reason to lie. You realized when Alister left you that you where now liberated and free. Free from having to hide what you felt, and curiously only Zevran had stayed with you. You smile at the site of Zevran asleep. Would you have time to correct the errors, maybe yes or maybe no, there are some mistakes that can never be undone.

As you watch him sleep, he moves restlessly and appears to be having nightmares again. They seem like the worst kind of nightmares, the likes of which you have never seen. The kind of nightmares where you are faced with ruin at your worst possible moment. You approach him slowly so as not to wake Zevran. You place your hand on his cheek in hopes that your presence will do away with his bad dreams. You want to wake him with a kiss and tell the truth, but deep down you dare not to. You do not know how he will react. You’re afraid of his reply and you would prefer to go back and face the Arch-Demon a thousand times than to be rejected by Zevran.

Also there is something else; you know you do not have all the time you should. You know your life has a timeframe. As Alistair said...… take it or leave it, you have only 30 years. Then the dreams will come and it will all be over for you. No, you cannot think of sentencing Zevran to something like this. In fact he shouldn’t ever know especially if you can grant him complete freedom from the Crows.

You have to face the Crows and destroy them, hoping you will be destroyed in this way realizing your true destiny.

You see him now sitting next to him, sleeping soundly. You cannot resist the temptation and give him a gentle kiss on the cheek and then tuck him in the blanket while waiting for the shift to end.

Tomorrow is another day, in which we should think very carefully as to how to kill the Crows and for that we need to talk to Zevran like you’ve never had. Hopefully he will not figure out the true feelings that you hide.

Now, your path would not be of the strong Gray Wardens. Perhaps that life was over for you also and for the first time in a long time you feel happy.

It’s getting colder, but dawn is coming and you need to wake Zevran and speak to him to continue on your trip. You place your hand on his shoulder and begin to move him.

– Zev, wake up, its time.

He grips your hand and pulls it under his blanket while saying something incomprehensible. You are left temporarily speechless. Summoning your will, you attempt to wake him again while reluctantly pulling away your hand.

– Zev let’s go. Don’t pretend to be sleeping, we have to talk.

He gathers himself and looks at you half asleep.

– I was dreaming I was being kissed……

You turn to face the fire in order to hide that you are blushing.

– I hope your sleep was gratifying, but seriously we need to talk.
– But I am being serious….
– I suppose (you smile at the fire). I have been thinking and I decided I will not be going to the Warden’s keep. The idea does not entice me and I feel as if I have a different task to complete.

You continue to look at the fire in hopes of avoiding his eyes and have him discover the truth.

– But Zev, I think you should still go. – You keep silent for the moment.

You stomach is in knots. Damn pride! You can’t let him go, but you should. Your trip to Antiva should be a solo one, because you cannot take the chance of the Crows killing him. The trip is a one way ticket and you know that. With a lot of luck you will be able to accomplish your goal, but you know you will probably die trying. It is more than likely that this is the last time you will ever look into his eyes.

– Tzvi, are you still hurt over what has happened with Alistar, is that it, no?

You respond quickly.

– No Zev, that story died a long time ago, before we even reached Denerim even. At the end I was almost relived it was over, and we will leave it at that. – If I could just tell you, it was your eyes that were responsible for the end to that story. –No, I can only tell you there is something I have to do before I go into reclusion.
– And I have to go to this place without you?
– No, if you do not wish to you do not have to go. But you should go, it …. It is….safer for you and you have taken more than enough risks because of me. Though, if you choose to come with me I will not stop you –I would not really be able to, even though I should. If you stay you must do exactly as I tell you. For this I am sorry. You know I do not like to impose on you in such a way, but in this case it is vital that you do as I ask.
– I have always followed you willingly; I do not see why it would have to be different on this trip. Come, sit here by me. There is no reason to be standing there facing the fire. We are alone.
– No Zev, I’m fine…. I’m fine where I am. –from here I can lie to you. –If I were to sit down next to you, the truth would escape from my eyes. –If you come with me you will not be able to help me with my wounds, not if they bleed. –You should never touch my blood or let it stain you. – My blood is as dangerous as the blood of a Dark Spawn, and I carry the same infection they do. –If you were to touch my blood…… you could be infected and that….. that is something I will not allow to happen. If you come with me you will not bandage me, even if I am dying. You must promise me.
– You want me to promise I will not help you even if you are dying? What kind of friend would I be if I just let something like that happen, without doing anything? Also, why so mysterious?
– No Zevran, I will not change my mind about this. If you will not agree to do this, then… then you can’t come with me. –Why does this hurt so much? -I need as much info about the Crows as you can give me so I can destroy them and you will be truly free from them once and for all. –If you decide to stay I will meet you at the Warden’s keep when all is said and done. I will leave now….. alone towards Antiva.
– Are you CRAZY? Why would you want to do such craziness? No, I will not let you go alone.
– Yes, yes I will. I am going right now.

You turn around from the fire and he is standing next to you. He holds you with a strength you did not know he had, and his lips caress yours warming and comforting you.

– SSSSH… if this is what you want we will do this together.

His kiss makes you feel as if you are floating and for the first time you feel like a heroine.